Useful Advice and Thoughtful Quotes

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This Summer is one that has brought an overbearing heat wave to the Emerald City

It is so hot you could fry an egg on the Tin Man’s head!

The water well is barely hanging on so therefore the garden had been left to die….

….all this oppression has made it difficult to run about in the Enchanted Forest and gather fodder for this blog!

I did run across these wonderful tidbits of advice and some marvelous quotes; I thought you might enjoy…

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should never confuse your career with your life

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well…..just get up and dance!

Never lick a steak knife

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason

why we observe daylight savings time

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant

unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. 

That time is age eleven

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,

we ALL believe that we are above average drivers

A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person

Never be afraid to try something new…….remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. 

A large group of professionals built the Titanic

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls.  They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal.

There you go.  I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

Ellen DeGeneres

“A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket: 

“You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?!?!!”, she sneered.

I replied in a psychotic tone,

“I didn’t realize there were any witnesses, now I’ll have to kill you too!”

Jake Johansen

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.”

Dick Cavett

“Thou shalt not kill.  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  Don’t eat pork. 

I’m sorry, what was that last one??  Don’t eat pork.  God has spoken

Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?”

Jon Stewart

16 responses »

  1. This all makes perfect sense. Especially the professionals who designed the Titanic. But wait. Something must be wrong. We don’t read (in various newspapers) any thing that makes sense to anyone but those below the age of 11. OK – There’s the Manchester Guardian. Oh, and The New York Times Saturday edition, mebbe one should add the Christian Science Monitor. It’s 6 pm in Lotus Land Tin Man time for a very cold flute of Veuve Cliquot to celebrate the end of another wondrous day. Virginia

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