Recently the Washington Post listed their winners for Alternate Meanings of Words

Let’s take a look at some common words and find their alternate meanings……..

Coffee, noun.  The Person upon whom one coughs

 

Flabbergasted, adjective.  Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

 

abdicate, verb.  To give up all hope of EVER having a flat stomach.

 

Esplanade, verb.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, adjective.    Impotent

Negligent, adjective.   Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

Control, noun.  A short, ugly inmate

Lymph, verb.   To walk with a lisp

Gargoyle, noun.   Olive-flavored mouth wash.

Flatulence, noun.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, noun.   A rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle, noun.  A humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude, noun.  The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon, noun .  A Rastafarian proctologist

Oyster, noun.   A person who sprinkles their conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism, noun.  The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent, noun.  An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Arbitrator, noun.  A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds

Avoidable, adjective.  What a bull fighter tries to do

Bernadette, verb.  The act of torching a mortgage

Burglarize, noun.  What a crook sees with

Eyedropper, noun.  A clumsy Ophthalmologist

 

Paradox, noun.  Two physicians

Pharmacist, noun.  A helper on a farm

Selfish, verb.  What the owner of a seafood store does

Sudafed, verb.  Brought litigation against a government official

Polarize, noun.  What penguins see with

Parasites, noun.  What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower